I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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