Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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