Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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