You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
