And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
