Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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