did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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