I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
