He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
