I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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