i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
