i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
