moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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