We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize