I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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