I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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