My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
