everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
