I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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