i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
