i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize