Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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