I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
