someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
