I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place