Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES