She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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