You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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