Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
