she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
