Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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