No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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