I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
