I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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