This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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