Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
