hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
