The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
