i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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