When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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