One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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