shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
