based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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