He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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