I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it was like eating out sand paper
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.