I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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