Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
4 words: hood of his car
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
