My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
