Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
