im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
