Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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