is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
