youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
