so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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