If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wanna go halves on a baby?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
