I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
