I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
