my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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