just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize