you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
